I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
