Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
