How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
