I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
