She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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