I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
