Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
