I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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