How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Someone came in the potted fern
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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