I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
