I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
