btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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