I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Say something about gay babies.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
