haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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