I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
try to milk me bitch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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