Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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