someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
