I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
