I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
