Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
