Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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