I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
