girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
