You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
