I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
