Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
