I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
