you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
