Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
