So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
