the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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