if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
