you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
