drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
