is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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