the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
