Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were trust falling into bushes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
