Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
