garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
