Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
