We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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