Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
