Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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