I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
