I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
