i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
