And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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