There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
