you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
