But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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