i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
